DC

So lately my sleep schedule has been way out of whack and I'll admit I haven't tried that hard to correct it.  I stay up until like 3 in the morning, sometimes later, and will sleep in til about noon.  Ridiculous.  But it works because I usually have work from 2-10.  Somedays I think it'd be nice to get up at a normal time like 9, but I just can't seem to get myself out of bed then.

Anyway, last night I tried to go to bed a little earlier, and by that I mean 2:30, haha, but I just layed there thinking.  I ended up turning the light back on and writing a letter to a friend of mine.  I miss him a lot.  For some reason, which I think I know but do not understand, he won't talk to me.  (He's supposedly embarrassed about something he did.)  I don't get what the big deal is though.  He knows all my dirt and I know his, but that's what good friends are for, they look past that and love you anyway. We haven't talked since like July.  I've talked to his brothers, which is nice because they're a lot of fun too, but I wish he would call me.  I don't even have an address to send the letter to.  I'll have to call his brother tomorrow and see if he has it.  Why do people do this?  We were really really good friends and nothing happened between us for him to get upset or anything.  He's just severed ties with everything.  He won't even talk to his mom.  I'm kind of mad at him, but I'm worried and concerned too.  Mostly I just miss him though.  He's one of those people who ALWAYS make you laugh.  At least I thought he was hilarious!  We even hopped across the crosswalks in Santa Monica like Elf! hahaha!  He's someone I could completely be myself around, faults and all and it didn't matter. Those people are rare in this world. 

I'm terrible at letting go of people I care about.  Unfortunately you can't make people do things.  Sometimes I sure wish I could though!  Or that they would just listen!!!  I left the FUNNIEST voicemail for him, I even did it on his brother's answering machine (he was living with his bro at the time), which means I care about him a lot if I'm gonna let other people hear me being super goofy!  I thought for sure he would respond to that, but he didn't.  I guess I just have to wait for time to do it's thing.   I hope he comes around.  I hope he at least knows someone's rooting him on, whatever he's doing, and that I love him and believe in him. 

Follow up to "Just Thinking"

Ok, so I know the post was a while ago, but I just wanted to share an interesting story about it.  The night I wrote it I was obviously upset, but trying to be optimistic.  Well, the next night was Monday and I decided to go to FHE at the WC3 ward for the first time since I've been up here.  I very rarely go to FHE and even more rarely go for the lesson, but, there I was.  And interestingly enough it was all about what I had written in my blog the night before.  Everything about you being the only variable you can control and deciding whether or not to be happy.  We talked about agency and how the choice is ours to react positively or negatively to what happens to or around us.  It really hit me as a confirmation to what I already knew, but was starting to forget.  Heavenly Father knows us so well, and He knows what we need, even if we don't ask for it.  I certainly didn't.  It amazes me that through all the mistakes I've made and yes, sometimes keep making, He keeps loving you, me.  That He never gives up.  He still loves us even when we don't feel like we deserve it.  I don't know that I'll ever be able to fully comprehend His love, but I am grateful for it.